A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1
"I can't believe the way she's talking to her kids! How awful!" "No wonder her kid is throwing a fit, he's just imitating how his mother is behaving." I know I'm in good company when I say that I have often thought these things, judging parents who are impatient, harsh, and speaking disrespectfully to their children. And I know I'm also in good company when I admit that sometimes, I catch myself turning into that very parent. How easy it is to do. I struggle with responding to misbehavior, whining, or disrespectful words- all of those normal, button-pushing behaviors of a 3-year-old- with a tone that is both corrective but loving. If the tone of my voice sounds too sweet, I'm afraid Oliver won't get that I'm that serious about correcting his behavior. So I change my tone to one that is serious, lower...but then it becomes louder. It becomes harsh. It begins to mimic the very whining and back-talking I'm trying to correct.
And then you add the element of human nature. Facing challenging behavior is exhausting. It's almost always repeated, and frequently surrounded by other factors such as I just burned dinner, Charlie just spilled milk all over the table and is now eating toilet paper. And I have a migraine. I'm in no mood to stop and calculate the volume and tone of my voice, and sometimes the words that are being said.
Oliver had a particularly good day today. He whined and complained only a fraction of what he usually does. He actually volunteered to help me clean the house. It was easy for me to be patient with him, and kept me in a very good mood. I took my time with him. Instead of getting exasperated when he kept whining for a Batman toothbrush we don't yet own, at his sixth request I suggested we sing a Batman song while we brushed his teeth instead. He cheered, agreed, and all was good.
"Do you want to pick out your pajamas?" I asked. The answer is always yes, he does this every night.
"Uhhh....no! Mommy do it!"
"Really? You want me to pick them out tonight?" fully expecting him to correct himself. He must have just said it wrong.
"Yeah, Mommy pick out my pajamas. Because you're being nice to me. And because you're happy. That's why you can pick out my pajamas, because you're nice, and you're happy today."
Lord, please grant me the grace today to be patient, happy, and kind to my children, especially when they're being particularly challenging. Thank you for showing me what they see and the impact that this makes, and thank you for the blessing of being their Mom. Amen.
