The Strength of My Heart

The Pastor of our new church called me about a week ago, the night before my pacemaker replacement surgery.  He called to talk, offer peace, and to pray.  Just before his phone call, I was beginning to realize that despite going through this so many times before, or maybe even because of going through this so many times before, I was getting anxious.  Pastor Bob then spoke the words of Psalm 73 (verse 26):

"My flesh and my heart will fail; 

But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

I smiled.  The first time I ran across that verse, I knew it was to be one of my life verses.  My flesh and heart will fail. Not might, will. For me, they already have.  And everyone's will.  But God is my strength, for forever. 

I hate anesthesia.  "Going under" is just about the worst feeling I have ever experienced. I simply cannot tolerate the feeling of my head being altered.  So I have leared to repeat a prayer or a verse as I begin to slip away into that terrifying state; and Psalm 73 is what I repeated when I lay there, scared out of my wits. I got confused.  I felt like I wasn't in my body.  I think I stopped breathing.  I was in a horrific place.  The nitrous oxide made me lose control of my body, my awareness, and the ordering of my thoughts.  But I hung on to that verse, and those words stayed in order, calming my heart.

 God's words stayed strong and clear when everything else wasn't. 

 They always will.